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…but God

This has been a…hard year.

A year of a lot of loss but also a lot of prayers answered.

We’ve lost loved ones.

We’ve lost dreams. I lost a very personal dream but also was delivered from cancer, pain, and gained…a lot of weight 🥴 from that lost dream.

Milestones were not forgotten but … prioritized, often not in the order we wished but in the order which was right.

A dear friend found she had cancer….but God and she fight.

She still fights today.

We celebrated 50 years of God-focused marriage between my parents.

We finally found our Church home after nearly a decade of praying and seeking, going through different seasons, and being used at various places.

So, while we have seen loss and experienced hurt…we rejoice – I rejoice – because though we prayed and often felt like He didn’t hear us, He knew what was down the road and where our specific brand of love and talents were needed most. He saw us through fear. He delivered us from slings and arrows.

While my flesh wants to cling to the loss, the hysterectomy, the pain, the fear, the weight gain, the heartbreak… my spirit cries out in joy and appreciation for the hope of Heaven, no cancer, loving and being loved again in a Church family, and my family’s every need being met.

What do YOU choose to thank Christ for, today?

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Abortion, America, Bible, Children, Church, family, Fertility, god, health, Holy Spirit, Infanticide, Infertility, jesus, Law, Legislation, Life, Love, Miscarriage, Parenting, Reproductive Health, Uncategorized

Iowa says, “NO” to killing babies. So why isn’t this news everywhere?!

“Legislation making it illegal for a doctor to perform an abortion in Iowa once a fetal heartbeat is detected won Senate approval Wednesday as a first step toward what many see as a legal battle aimed at overturning the 1973 landmark U.S. Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion.

Senators approved Senate File 2281 by a 30-20 margin.

The measure would bar a physician from performing an abortion when tests determine a heartbeat is present, unless a medical emergency exists that warrants the procedure. Violation would subject a doctor to a Class D felony, carrying up to five years in prison and a $7,500 fine. There would be no penalty for the woman.” The Gazette said.

While Sen. Amy Sinclair, R-Allerton, floor manager of the bill said, “This bill is the logical beginning point for all of civil governance,” Sen. Joe Bolkcom, D-Iowa City struck back by saying, “It is time for Republican politicians to stop playing politics and stop using your positions of power to harass and disrespect girls and women. Enough is enough.”

So, we know where most Republicans stand on the issue of abortion just as we know where most Democrats stand on the issue of abortion. There’s always the select few that feel different even though they are part of that party. I’m not even going to talk about that.

For just a moment allow me to vent.

When I open my Google app, the news it suggests for me (and yes I know all about preferences and algorithms – I am a blogger) I see:

1. “The Google App’s New iMessage Extension is Pretty Great”

2. “The story of the internet, as told by Know Your Meme”

3. Winter Storm Quinn

and more… yet NOTHING about this landmark decision!

When I go to ABC News online, I see…

1. “2nd nor’easter bearing down on East Coast days after deadly storm”

2. “Democrats, women candidates score big in Texas”

3. “Trump reopens seemingly settled video-game debate”

When I go to FOX News online, I see…

1. “Pelosi slams California ICE raid as ‘unjust and cruel,’ amid outcry over mayor’s tipoff to immigrants”

2. “Tammy Bruce: California chaos — Unchallenged liberalism leaves homelessness, drug abuse, garbage in its wake”

3. “Nikolas Cruz’s jail records reveal details of gunman’s behavior in days after Florida school shooting”

And I could go on. Literally I am not seeing this landmark Iowa decision anywhere!

So, my question to you all is, “Why is this news not everywhere?”

Why is this news not every…where? Why, if we have a Republican president and this is a major issue for Republicans (and many Independents such as myself), is this not all over the news, all over the Internet, and constantly showing up in your newsfeed? Why did I have to read about it in a Christian wives and moms Facebook group? Why was it a post that was typed out by the poster and not even a newsfeed that she was sharing?!

Does the nation not really care about this?

Is this not something to cheer about – the saving of thousands of baby’s lives?

Does the news not want you to know about this? Any news outlet regardless of which way they slant?

I want to hear from you because I’m at my wit’s end over here.

At this point, I truly believe that every news outlet is bought by someone. I filed as an Independent because even at the age of 18 I knew that I didn’t want any particular party to know which way I was going to vote; and my primary party is the party that follows God’s word. There isn’t a party for that so I filed as an Independent. This has allowed me to have a truly unbiased view. I don’t have a particular news outlet that I watch. I do my own research. Having been a paralegal for nearly a decade I know where to look, I know when something smells funny, and I understand legislation.

What I don’t understand is news such as this not being viral within an hour of it happening. Can someone please explain to me why a Hollywood couple getting a divorce propels millions to tweet about it within half an hour… but thousands of baby’s lives being saved, infanticide being abolished, and the torture, dismemberment, and murder of the innocent in Iowa – a thing of which should have never happened in the first place – now no longer happening ISN’T EVEN IN MY NEWSFEED?!

Short story:

For those of you that don’t know, when I was two months shy of being 18, I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t know anything about Planned Parenthood. All I knew was that some people went there to get birth control. So, I went there to get a pregnancy test. When I was told that I was pregnant, I was scared, not as surprised as one would’ve thought, and in awe. I was not in tears. I was not in the fetal position. I did not need to be consoled. The woman across the desk from me proceeded to try to talk me into my “options.” At 17 years of age, I immediately turned into mama bear. I looked that woman dead in the face and said, “If your ‘options’ include killing my baby, think again.” And I walked out of there.

So, I guess this topic is a little closer to my heart than others. Somehow, though, I can’t wrap my brain around why the killing and torture of babies – a thing of which has been proven – is not close to everyone’s heart in this nation, IN THIS WORLD!

So, unlike my usual well thought out, outlined blog posts that I usually post… This one is more of a vent, a question, and a prayer. Forgive me for my not standing on formality today.

If you are a believer, please come together with me – in one mind, one heart – and pray this prayer with me:

God:

Forgive us for not comprehending the miracle, the magnificence, of any creation that you have made in history. But certainly forgive us for not comprehending the miracle that is life. Forgive us believers that have not fought tooth, tongue, and toenail to save the lives of individuals that had a purpose and a plan. Help us to find what each one of us needs to change this horrific practice in our nation, in the world. Expose within us the things that we need to change and shed light on where we need to go, the things we need to say, the things we need to do in our communities. Help us to be better warriors in your army. Raise up Mosess, Davids, and Elijahs! Teach every mother and father how to raise our children to be world changers and earth shakers.

Bind up Satan. His reign of murdering those that could change the tide of the direction this world is going in is over! We ask that you throw out every elected representative that would contribute to the murder of our children by either vote or choosing to not vote. We ask that you open the eyes and the ears of every believer and motivate them to act. We ask, we pray, we even beg that a revival would sweep across this nation. We ask that this nation be reborn under You. We lost our way but You are our True North. We are like the Israelites lost in the desert – the promised land is just in sight with an act of legislation such as this, yet the few are running the many. We ask that you bind up the squeaky voice of the few and you raise up a loud clatter from your followers, your believers, your people. We ask that you help us to save ourselves, our children, our future. Let the Holy Spirit, like a fire, burn inside of each and everyone of your children this day.

The men and women that we read about in the Bible were men and women of action. They were men and women that were called by you and followed. Help us to be this generation’s Esther, Moses, Elisha.

Help us. Hear our cry, today, oh Father! None but you can eradicate evil with your righteousness. You are mighty and mighty to save. You are a promise keeper and you are God of all creation. You are our deliver even right now when the world seems to reign under evil. You are Alpha and Omega, beginning and the end. Simply put, you are I AM. Nothing stands in your way and nothing can defeat you.

family, Fertility, god, health, Holy Spirit, Infertility, jesus, Life, Marriage, Miscarriage, Parenting, Reproductive Health, Uncategorized

Adenomyosis: A Diagnosis w/a Side Order of Miracle

🗣WARNING⚠️ : This is not my usual type of posts. Other than peripheral mentions of God, because He’s always a part of my life, this posting pertains to a diagnosis that is still not well-known and I would like to get the word out. This is not what I would call a Bible posting. Also, this is about female reproductive health. Unless you’re concerned about problems your wife is having or you are a woman, you may not be interested in this post. This will not become a habit of mine. It’s simply something I feel like needs to be out there so more people know.

Adenomyosis. What the heck is that? That was my first thought. I mean…being 39, at this point, I feel like most of us have heard of endometriosis. But…adenomyosis?

After having horrible cycles since I was 11 that included them being both embarrassingly heavy and unbelievably painful,

I had no idea until about a year ago that something was wrong. I just thought that I had it worse than others. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Every year, since its inception, my cycle has become progressively worse in every respect. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I was a single mom but on birth control to help with the aforementioned problems. Still, once a month, I would be nearly debilitated for at least one day. So, I couldn’t fathom what my life would be like if I were not on the pills. At one point my doctor eliminated the diagnosis of endometriosis. At that point, I sort of reserved myself to the fact that this was simply my lot in life – to have an excruciatingly painful cycle. I would go to work and sit at my desk with a heating pad on my belly, , a heating pad on my back, and taking hydrocodone for at least two days every month.

I should add here that I actually have an extremely high threshold for pain. I had my daughter naturally. After her birth, of course, many told me that my cycle would get better.

As you can tell, that clearly was not the case. And having a lot of medical providers in my family – everyone from surgeons to EMTs – I understand the pain scale better than most. With that many medical providers in my family, I don’t have the luxury of being overdramatic.

I generally operated between a 6 and a 7 at least one or two days every month.

Then my body went through a lot when I was remarried and we ventured out into trying to get pregnant. I immediately came off the pill and knew that all signs pointed to both of us being healthy. Yet… Even though I was 28, 29 years old, I couldn’t get pregnant. This went on for several years. I had a miscarriage. I was taking hormones. My husband was administering injections.

Long story short – because that’s for another post – I knew that God had promised me a son. So, in the midst of raging hormones and feeling defeated, I came off of everything. I stopped taking hormones, injections. I fell to my knees and prayed Hannah’s prayer and then told God that I was letting it go and leaving it with him. I went to work on a film and several months later realized I was pregnant. It was evident to all of us that God wanted me to know that it was Him and not the work of any kind of medication or medical assistance that gave my beautiful son to me. We will circle back around to this.

But…God gave me my son in the midst of this.

Again, I was told that my cycle would probably settle down a little bit after now having two children. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

My cycle proceeded to get worse and worse until I was operating between levels 7 and 9 two days every month. Hydrocodone, Tramadol, because, heating pads, the works.

After my mother witnessed this several times, and my husband became increasingly more concerned, my husband scheduled me for an appointment with the doctor who delivered my son – one of the best OB/GYN’s in the Southeast.

Shoutout!

Yes, they found that I had some fibroids. Yes, they determined that some cysts had burst. Beyond all of this, though, she looked at me contemplatively and simply stated, “I believe you have adenomyosis.”

My response, of course, was “What the heck is that?” Thankfully, she went on to explain it.

I could never do justice to explaining it as well as she can. I will try to do my best here with the help of websites. The one thing that I should point out, though, (allow me to just throw this spoiler out there) is that the only “cure” to this disease at this time is a hysterectomy.

Mayo Clinic says, “Adenomyosis occurs when endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, exists within and grows into the muscular wall of the uterus. The displaced endometrial tissue continues to act as it normally would — thickening, breaking down and bleeding — during each menstrual cycle. An enlarged uterus and painful, heavy periods can result.”

The cause is invasive tissue growth. Imagine the endometrial tissue is kudzu or English ivy (depending on where you live, respectfully) and it’s taking over. Every place a vine or leaf extends will still die and slough off every month…no matter…where…it’s shoved itself.

Instead of the endometrial tissue tucking up into the ovarian tubes as would happen would endometriosis, it’s invaded the actual muscle that forms the uterine walls.

If that doesn’t give you a picture in your mind of the climbing, excruciating, pain that I and many women have endured monthly… I’m not sure what will. When you add to that the muscle spasms and back pain that already a company just monthly curse, it’s not uncommon to be completely debilitated.

Unfortunately, there’s another couple of nasty side effects to adenomyosis that is not stuck within a timeframe. Those are anemia and pain. I have a rather constant dull ache all the time. It seems to be worse on my left side but it’s not something that only comes for a few days a month and then it goes away and I get to breathe easy. Also, I’m constantly battling anemia. If you’re not sure what anemia is, the easiest way to put it is that it is low iron and you feel like crap all the time. You are too tired to do laundry, you are winded from getting the mail, and you overall just feel like garbage all the time. For this, you obviously take an iron supplement and hope for the best. At worst, you get a blood transfusion.

So, (and believe me when I say I’m leaving out a lot to make this post more readable) if the pill or an IUD doesn’t work to help you bear it long enough to wait for menopause, you’re only option for a normal life is a hysterectomy at this point.

So…I’m scheduled for one. Now, I could leave this article right here. I could leave it with the emotional ups and downs that I’m going through knowing that my baby-maker will be closed for business…for good. I could tell you about the tears that I’ve cried, the frustration that I’ve endured because I have no control over this situation. I won’t though. I’m going to leave you with this:

Remember when I said, “We will circle back around to this”? Consider yourself circled back around.

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As Attain Fertility puts it, “About 1 in 100 women will have adenomyosis in their lifetime. Women in their 30s and 40s who have had one or more children are most at risk for adenomyosis and infertility…your uterus may become two or three times larger than normal. In addition, adenomyosis can cause problems with infertility. ”

IVF1 spells it out like this, “There are several reasons to suspect that adenomyosis could be a cause for infertility. The first has to do with uterine contractions. Some uterine contractions are good. There are uterus and fallopian tube contractions that help sperm to reach the egg in the fallopian tube. It seems that adenomyosis disrupts these good contraction. Later, at the time of embryo implantation, too many uterine contractions are bad. Adenomyosis may actually increase these bad contractions. The final reason is very complex. Whatever factors are responsible for the development of adenomyosis may simply make the uterus less able to allow embryos to implant.”

So, guess what? I discovered, through all of this, that my “miracle child” is even more of a miracle than I had ever imagined. Not only did God follow through on His promise to give me a son, not only did He wait until my body was cleared out of all medical intervention and medicine, but my body was literally creating a minefield environment that would never be considered even fallow at best – a body that would deter an egg from coming forth and adhering…. BUT GOD!

God said, “I will send you a husband and father to your daughter.”

God said, “Your daughter will have a brother.”

God said, “I will give you a son so prepare.”

Two people in my church cane to me and told me that they dreamt that I had a son.

I finally let go, prayed Hannah’s prayer

…and let it be. I stopped tugging on my Father’s coattails demanding, “Right now!”

My body fought it, my heart tried to whither, my mind tried to reject it, but my Spirit would not cave.

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And God came through! As He always does! Yes, I may be about to have a hysterectomy; BUT GOD made a way when there was no way without medical intervention! He said, “Let there be life!” and my son was conceived in a hostile environment that would have otherwise rejected him. God said it and that settled it!

And now, as promised by God and prophesied by man though the cards were dealt firmly against me (just the way God likes it), here he is…