I am feeling some sort of way this evening due to the passing of our Grampa Woody. Most often I give allowances for everyone’s feelings but my own. So, if you’re reading this, forgive me and allow me a moment in time to -for once – allow my own.
When I die I pray that I will have left a legacy of love, grace, patience, understanding, and above all a blanket of God’s love. I pray that the people that are a part of my life will forgive my every fault, because there are many. I pray that people will sit around a table and think of me fondly. I hope that, while I may not have many friends, I will have friends of great substance that will miss me and miss that something that I was always able to give them.
I hope that, whether they are friends or family, the people in my life will not just be able to but will choose to not reflect upon the ways that I failed them. This may sound like a selfish thing to hope for; but, this piece of hope is held for them and not myself. After all, I will be in heaven with my Father. I will surely have failed some. I will surely have disappointed many. I say this because I have failed myself and disappointed myself more times than I can count. Yet, for my loved ones’ sakes, I pray that their hearts are not heavy and their minds are not burdened by my past or some thing I heaped upon them; but, rather their hearts and minds would be set upon the Lord.
Of course, I pray that I live a life that is free of all of this and full of a multitude of things that would make God proud of me and subsequently the people around me. But my mind keeps going back to the people that Christ loved. He loved the tax collector. He loved the filthy beggar. He even loved the woman of ill repute that many looked upon as if she were a dog. I can strive for perfection everyday (and I will); yet, there has been only one faultless Man who walked this earth and it is not I.
I have been the black sheep all of my life, as far back as I can remember. A lot of that was probably my own doing. I certainly don’t blame anyone for it. I have disappointed many people and, sadly, proven many right on occasion. I am also not the same person that I was 10 years ago, 20 years ago.
I pray that the people in my life will love me now, in the end, and after the end as Jesus would love me… not for me but for them. I pray that their hearts and minds will be devoid of any negativity so that they would know the peace that passes all understanding, the true miracle that forgiveness truly is, and the love of God that comes only from the Father.
If I am truly lucky… abundantly blessed, those that I leave behind will celebrate my homecoming with praise and worship that lifts up into the heavenlies and grabs God’s attention for just a moment; and, He is pleased.