I have had too many people I care deeply about that have been betrayed by someone they gave a piece, or all, of their heart to. I apologize if there is any confusion in my thoughts here. I wrote this kind of on the fly. There is no judgment within my thoughts, only love. If you know me, you know that’s true. Also, I’ve cast my assumptions aside. I hope you have as well and I pray you receive this post in the spirit in which it is intended – for those who have messed up but want to save their marriage.
The way I see it, there are two inextricable ingredients involved with a couple in which one of the two is cheating:
- Spiritual Death; and
- lack of or decreased self-value.
“Spiritual death” sounds so dark, ominous, and final. It is all of that… except final. The Bible says…
“Flee from sexual immorality… do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. ” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
The fact is…
“It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, He has turned away and will not listen anymore.” (Isaiah 59:2)
What do we learn from these two verses?
- Sexual immorality – as with any sin – is cause for you to “FLEE!”
- Your body is a temple. It’s not only home to God since you asked Him to reside within you; but, it is of value!
- You are not your own. This is very important. The decisions you make are not yours to be making. You gave yourself to God. You were bought with the price of Christ’s crucifixion. So, you should find peace and happiness in the knowledge that if you stick with His plan you will be loved and cared for. You will be happy.
- Sin is the only thing that separates you from God.
I couldn’t sit there and watch my children do horrible acts that will ultimately destroy them and possibly the people around them. I couldn’t watch it and God won’t watch it. If God is the Holy Spirit and He is “the way the truth and the life,” sin has separated you from Him, and He will “turn away and not listen anymore” then you have experienced Spiritual death. Life has been removed from you – that only leaves death.
So, to review: If we’re assuming both people knew God in the beginning, now 1 person has forgotten that they are not their own but God’s – that they are of great value considering what Christ voluntarily went through to purchase them; and 1 person has allowed themselves to allow the temptation of their flesh – sin – to inundate their heart to the point that God has turned away. They may think they are going to church and living a good Christian life but:
“But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them” (Ephesians 5:13)
“For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light.” (Mark 4:22)
At least FOUR TIMES God’s Word tells us that nothing will stay hidden for long. They can show up at Church, say they are a Christian, say they love their wife or husband, kiss their children, and go on through life as if they are Christian Saints but God knows, most likely their spouse knows, and not-so-surprisingly their children usually have at least an idea of the truth.
But what about the spouse who doesn’t see their value? Well, the actions of the cheating spouse only make matters worse of course in that department – the spouse continues to devalue themselves because they have tied their worth to this broken person rather than to God, their Creator.
To draw a crass illustration it’s a little like a bulimic asking an anorexic if they look good.
God’s Word has already illustrated that a person who is being sexually immoral does not know the value of their own bodies, themselves, or that they are to glorify – through God – their body.” Yet, that’s what we do – we expect a sick person to make us better. If they were capable of that, and we were on the outside looking in (separate from our own emotions) and using our common sense, we would say, “Hey, they’re just going to make me sicker!”
It becomes an ongoing round-robin of sickness, shared and built to the point of epidemic. You may have noticed I’m not broaching the subject of why a person cheats. That’s because there are many reasons and not one of them is a reflection of the person who is being cheated on but rather it’s a symptom of a deep sickness in the cheater – a Spiritual death that has occurred, as I mentioned earlier.
The fact is this – we must make ourselves strong in Christ. Every single day there is a message for each of us in God’s word.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)
You don’t need the world to empower you, your friends to empower you, even yourself to empower you. God has given you power. You only need to take it.
“My message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.” (2 Corinthians 2:5)
It’s easy to become dependent upon the person you invested your heart in, even moreso if you were meant to be “one.” Ultimately, though, we’re only supposed to be dependent upon one and if we each are dependent upon God then, subsequently and beautifully, we can actually, SAFELY, depend upon one another!
If each new day each of you are dying to self and living for Christ, you can not help but to love one another because the Spirit within you will be like beautiful harmony to the Spirit within your spouse.
Forget everything the world ever told you about love. It’s a complete crock. Love is work. It’s beautiful and it’s a gift from God. This is what love is not: easy, sex, butterflies, lost, fallen out of, easily traded in, weak, or just not enough.
I assure you that love is not easy because anything worth having is worth working for. It’s work! It takes time. It takes effort. You don’t fall out of love – you make a decision to turn around and walk away.
Sex is sex and love is love. When you choose to truly love someone and they you – then sex is something way more than you can comprehend because, more than merely being flesh, it’s a transference of trust, love, and fulfillment.
Love is not the butterflies doing backflips in your stomach but rather that moment when your heart stirs and your mind awakens because this person just tore away all superficiality and prayed through the glass ceiling for you!
Love is not the butterflies doing backflips in your stomach but rather that moment when your heart stirs and your mind awakens because this person just tore away all superficiality and prayed through the glass ceiling for you; it’s when life has gone straight to hell in a handbasket yet you know you can brave any storm because God is with you and He gave you the best friend you could ever imagine going through it with. Love is not something that is so easily shared.
You can love everyone like Christ loves but you don’t find yourself in love with two people. Christ only has one bride – the church. The church only has one groom – Christ. Christ is not torn for his love of the saints and his love of the sinners. No man nor woman is in love with two people. And, “love just wasn’t enough” is a blatant Hollywood lie. Love is ALWAYS enough. If A=B, then B=A, right? So, if God is love, then love is God. And, I assure you, God IS enough.
True God-anointed love can see you through heartache, cheating, confusion, sickness, and even death. If two people truly love Christ, run after Him with all of their hearts and minds, and they love each other, they cannot help but to succeed. It won’t always be easy. Remember, I said love is work. Remember, it takes both to do said work, both to run after CHrist. They will survive then, thrive even, and become a light in a dark place for other couples that hope to find true happiness in this dark, truly lonely, world.