My husband and I know several people going through marriage wars, right now. It may sound like a new reality show. It’s not. Don’t worry, though, I’m sure they’ll get around to it. 🙄 In the meantime, let’s focus on not giving the world what it wants, but giving God what He wants and saving our families while we’re at it!
It’s a crappy part of life. What I’m about to say comes from a place of humility that one can only fathom if they’ve been there, I assure you.
Nothing teaches you more humility than realizing that you don’t matter but the soul of both yourself and your spouse matters more.
You either believe in God and the fullness of His word or not. I’m not talking about the good parts. I’m talking about the reality of it. Either you and your spouse are fighting because you’re just people; or, as the Word says, “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
In other words, are you fighting each other or are you fighting satan?
You have to take that inventory or you’ve already lost.
I love this list from God is the Author of Marriage.
There is a great article and inventory on Patsy Rae Dawson’s page HERE if you’re not sure where to start.
CLICK HERE for a Marriage Inventory Questionnaire designed to help identify strengths and potential trouble-spots in your relationship from Focus on the Family. This form has been designed for pre-marital counseling but is also a great way of getting you and your spouse refocused. Most of the questions have no “right” answers; the important thing is for you to state clearly your perceptions in each case. Do not talk about the inventory until after you have filled it out individually. After you have filled it out, be sure to talk through the inventory with one another and you may consider sitting down with your pastor or other Christian marital counselor with this form.
The second part of this issue (as it was for David & myself) is that pesky “and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh” thing that the Bible says.
I realized that, through the Spirit – not of my own flesh, that this wasn’t a war between my husband and I. This was a war against my marriage by satan and sin. Because satan was picking a fight with my husband, he was picking a fight with me; because, two became ONE.
That meant, David couldn’t fight him alone and I couldn’t fight him alone. We had to fight him, with God, TOGETHER.
If Christ said, “’You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”” That tells me that – if two have become ONE – my spouse and I should BOTH be loving the Lord our God with ALL of our hearts, our souls, and our minds. Secondly, if we are loving each other as ourselves, in addition to us both engulfing ourselves in all that is God and running after Him with our whole selves,….how can we fail?! We can’t! You know why? Because we both have our eyes set on the same end goal – God! We will always end up at the same destination. Best of all, we’ll end up there together.
That doesn’t mean that I’m never hurt or angry. It just means that I never lose sight of the goal – winning, succeeding in my marriage, successfully guiding my children toward God. You guys think I’m competitive when it comes to football and other sports? It will never compare to the competitiveness I feel when getting back what the devil stole or is trying to steal from me.
I know I’m already an overcomer in Christ. That means, at that point, that if the war is lost… it’s either my fault or David’s fault.
So, take inventory of yourself:
1) Who are you fighting?
2) Are you fighting as a team or separate?
3) Are you willing to do ANYTHING it takes to be happier than you’ve ever been before?
My husband and I love each other more NOW than we ever did when we were first married; and THAT is the way it’s supposed to work. We know that there will be more battles; but, we’ve already won the war. So, if we lose a battle or each other… that’s on us as a team.
So don’t just pray…FIGHT! The fight is well worth it. And never forget….your children are watching, others are watching and praying, “Please, God, because if they can then we can.”
A great article on marriage by Wisdom for Life
Celebrate Recovery (for hurts, habits, & hangups)